FIC: Inner-cities of the Soul (1c/1), sequel to 'Only Hope'
Title: Inner-cities of the Soul (1c/1)
Series: X/1999
Author: Sephy
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Kamui x Subaru
Rating: NC-17
Fic journal: thetwotrees

Warnings: This is posted in three parts because it turned out to be ... longer than I expected. XD;; Also, violence, death, angst, swearing, and a massive lemon of doom. Also a random CCD cameo. Some spoilers for X/1999.

Crossposted at: clampfiction & _notalone

Disclaimer: I don't own X/1999 and its characters. They are the property of CLAMP and I'm only playing in their sandbox. No profit is intended.

Summary: '...and no one could know the identity of the Sakurazukamori without becoming his prey.'

Thanks: amet for betaing this fic. I <3 you like mad even though you killed my gentle commas.

Author's Notes: This story is the sequel to "Only Hope" found here. I recommend you read the first story if only so events in this story make more sense. I'm also going to warn yet again that this story contains a massive lemon and if the idea of homosexual sex squicks you like whoa, DON'T READ PAST THIS POINT, HERE THERE BE DRAGONS, ETC. (And no, I did not mean that as a pun.) I will also say right now that this story sets it up for there to be another one so don't get to the end and beat me with sticks for that, okay?



continued from part B

It was later, much, much later before he came to himself again, body aching but not terribly, feeling as if he'd run a long distance and was a little worse for the wear. Rolling onto his stomach, Subaru shifted, wincing at the sudden, sharp ache in his lower regions followed up by the even sharper realization that the place next to him was empty. Cracking his lids, he blinked bleary eyes against the light starting to filter into the room, sheets tangled around his waist as he lifted his head, groggy and worn, turning his head with ginger care before he found what he was looking for, rubbing at his eyes to clear some of the crust of sleep away.

Kamui was getting dressed, half bent over his shoes as he tied the laces, his white button down shirt crisp and ironed but lacking the badges he was required to wear as a student at CLAMP Campus. He stood up, straight-backed and long, lithe limbs unfolding as he dragged his foot from the chair it was balancing on to the floor, sweeping careful hands over his black dress slacks. His hair was combed for once, still wet from a shower and Subaru frowned, wondering when the younger boy had found the time and why it hadn't registered.

Wondering how and why he'd managed to sleep through it when he never slept through anything these days.

He cleared his throat, sitting up just a little, his back protesting the movement. "Good morning."

Kamui glanced over his shoulder, a small smile tipping his lips before he turned, leaning over to kiss Subaru lightly, "Morning."

"It's early," Subaru glanced at the clock, the question implicit. Why are you out of bed?

Kamui's expression was sheepish. "Uh yeah. About that. I kinda maybe have work this morning?"

"Work?"

"Yeah, you know that thing I said I did to earn money?" Kamui scratched his head, hair ruffling then making a face as he stopped himself. "For a few hours before I go to class anyway."

"Oh," Subaru pushed some of the hair out of his face, digesting this, "Where?"

"The Dukylon Bakery," There was a hint of apologetic embarrassment as Kamui smoothed his hands over his pants again. "They work around my hours and -- it's something even someone like me can do and not screw up too badly."

Subaru wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that, feeling that something was expected. Perhaps some sort of protestation but before he could even begin, Kamui shrugged again, "Anyway, I don't want to go in but --"

"You have to?"

"Yeah."

They both looked away and Subaru felt some of the sated feeling, the safe calm ebb a little, back in the waking world where things were not nearly so easy and suddenly he didn't know what to say or do. What was expected of him. What did one say to someone else after a night -- Well, a night like that?

Again, Kamui took the initiative, face more guarded than he could remember seeing it, his voice grudging, "Are you coming back?"

The question was simple, understandable even but it felt like a slap in the face, and he wondered at that, at why that was so because of course Kamui would ask something like that given the circumstances. He glanced at him then down at the blankets puddling around his lap before nodding once.

Kamui nodded, fierce expression relaxing just a touch before he leaned over again, moving quickly as he pressed his lips to the corner of Subaru's eye, a faint whiff of aftershave and soap following him as he slipped away before the Sumeragi could even react, opening the door and then pausing, looking over his shoulder, "I do love you. Even if that doesn't matter. I -- I do."

The door swung and he was gone before Subaru could even think of a suitable reply.

***

'I,' Kamui thought mournfully as he let himself into the shop, 'am an idiot. A massive, gigantic idiot.'

A huge idiot of epic proportions even if he could flee his apartment like he did, pulling away from Subaru out of instinct and fear, trusting his feelings but not -- Well, Subaru had been known to pull his disappearing trick before and if he tried that this time, the least Kamui wanted was the illusion of a morning after. Of being able to pretend he was a normal boy, just like any other, going off to work while his boyfriend lay asleep in his bed.

Boyfriend. Bed. He buried his face in his hands, swallowing hard as he went past the rows of pastry displays into the back, flipping on the lights as he went. His boss wouldn't be in for another forty-five minutes at the very least and it'd be a good hour before any of his co-workers showed up. Kamui found himself grateful for the reprieve, for the silence and the time to digest everything that had happened, feeling himself flush again as his mind drifted back to Subaru and how he'd looked lying in sea of white sheets, rippling around his naked form, well-shaped arms and the defined muscles of his back as he rested on one hand, tousled hair feathering around his face, features slack and free of the habitual moroseness, relaxed around the eyes and his mouth for once not pinched with a shapeless frown. Subaru had looked peaceful, so peaceful that Kamui hadn't had it in him to disturb him, taking a care to be as quiet as possible when he moved around, all but holding his breath in the shower as if Subaru would be able to detect that. Having him wake up, having to talk to him and the rushing of all those fears he'd sought to avoid, Kamui had chosen the coward's way out and prolonged things, afraid and wanting to know what Subaru thought, if he wanted him the way Kamui wanted Subaru, if last night had meant everything or nothing at all.

And yet as much as he wanted to know that, Kamui found himself deathly afraid of the answer. He'd survived Fuuma and the apocalypse, had swallowed his fear to face both and what sent him running? Sumeragi Subaru. Subaru who had always held something of him in the palm of his hand and only now after so much time had passed could he admit that it was a piece of his heart, one of the few pieces that hadn't been shredded or pounded to so much fine dust, lost with Kotori or Fuuma, lying broken and dead with Sorata. Subaru held his hope, a thin fierce flame that would take so little to snuff out, just an indifferent wind, the chill of disinterest and uncaring.

But Subaru had stayed, he reminded himself and if nothing else, that was something. Had stayed and promised that at the very least, this would not be the end. Or rather that he'd be back. Granted, he hadn't said in what capacity that returning would arrive in but Kamui knew better than to press his luck.

"What's the worst that could happen?" he muttered as he unlocked the door to the storage room, determined to retrieve his apron and to get busy setting the shop up which was certain to be a distraction for -- five whole seconds, maybe.

"Funny, that's usually my line."

Kamui froze up, keys dropping from his hand, his stomach dropping in time with that too familiar, too pleasant voice, soft and modulated tones elegant with gentle rebuke. Squeezing his hand around the knob, he resisted the urge to thud his head against the door in front of him, turning slowly on the ball of his heel, having to work not to drop his eyes like a scolded child.

As a rule, Imonoyama Nokoru was a striking, utterly prepossessing man, every inch the aristocrat for all he acted like the most adept of courtiers. He made a svelte figure in pearl gray with gold buttons, his thigh length coat neat and simply cut, framing slim hips and accentuating the cravat at his neck, pleated slacks as spotless as the black shoes he wore, clean enough Kamui swore if he leaned over, he'd be able to see his face in their shine. The head of one of the wealthiest zaibatsu in Japan (as well as the Chairman of CLAMP Campus), Imonoyama-sama had an unerring, if not downright uncanny ability at making an entrance and though this would never top the first moment they met, stained with blood and the remnants of his aunt splattered around him, it was hardly the most auspicious of occasions either. And something in those blue-gray eyes told Kamui that the Chairman knew it as well.

"Pardon the abruptness of my appearance but I thought that you and I," Imonoyama-sama's gaze sharpened even as his smile remained in place, outwardly placid, unconcerned and cool. "Should talk. Alone."

Outwardly lying.

He made no pretense at not knowing what this was about. "You managed to detach Takamura-san from your side. Must be serious."

"I would say allowing the Sakurazukamori onto campus grounds after an edict not to is fairly serious, yes." Imonoyama-sama's tone was mild, his words were not.

Kamui leaned back against the door, arms behind him, trying not to fidget and damning himself when he kicked the toe of his shoes against the floor. "I wouldn't exactly say I let Subaru do anything," he remarked dryly.

Imonoyama-sama's features relaxed, his smile a bit more understanding as he lifted his scarlet and gold fan to tap lightly against his ear. "This is true. He does have a habit of doing as he pleases and damn everyone else, doesn't he?"

Not angry then, Kamui decided, watching the tap-tap-tap of those gilded edges against golden locks. Exasperated was more like it, Imonoyama-sama catching his eye and shaking his head, his expression a bit more reassuring. "I suppose then," he continued, bringing the fan to touch his lips, "It's a good thing that someone knows how to tamper with the campus security system."

Letting go of the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding, Kamui slumped, "Thank you. Imonoyama-sama, I--"

The Chairman held his fan up, sounding more stern than before. "I don't like lying to Suoh, Shirou-kun. You know this. I like it even less when I've had to do it on two separate occasions. He becomes very distressed when he knows something is wrong and is left without any answers."

"I know that."

"And you also know why Sumeragi-san is forbidden to be on campus."

"Subaru wouldn't do anything like that," Kamui flared up. "I promise on my life that no one here is in any danger --"

"We thought Sumeragi-san would not change sides during 1999 and he did so. He has always been difficult to predict and given that the Sakurazukamori is a paid assassin and this campus is home to some of the wealthiest and brightest in Tokyo -- No, in Japan … Do you see where I'm having a problem, Shirou-kun?"

"Subaru isn't here to kill anyone. He wouldn't. I know he wouldn't."

"Just like you knew you were perfectly safe the night someone attempted to strangle you in your bed?"

Kamui subsided, hand unconsciously rising to his throat, looking away, "That was different."

"It's always different," Imonoyama-sama sighed, looking pained and uncomfortable. "I mean no disrespect but Kasumi-san? And Nekoi-kun and Shiyu-kun? Were they different? Kasumi-san thought it was worth her life to come here, to give us warning which we disregarded. I won't make that mistake again."

"Nor will I but this is different. This is Subaru. I know Subaru. I know him. He wouldn't --"

"No one knows Sumeragi-san. Not truly. I'd wager not even the former Sakurazukamori understood him completely. And that's what makes him so dangerous," Imonoyama-sama crossed his arms and gave him a penetrating look, "I don't suppose it's crossed your mind what bad timing this is, in the middle of things as we are. Unless you were planning on telling Sumeragi-san about that as well--"

"No," Kamui cut off, shaking his head emphatically, straightening, "It's not something he needs to know and --and it'll hurt him. And I don't want to do that. Ever."

"Besides," Kamui said after an uncomfortable pause, "Given everything else, given -- Well, I think an assassin, imagined or otherwise is the least of my concerns right now. And I won't not live what's left of my life. Not after everything else. That's not fair."

"Shirou-kun, I've found that whether something is fair or not is often beside the point. Suppose you say nothing, you leave everything unsaid and he should find out later about what's really going on here? About our endeavors? What if by not telling him, things become worse? If nothing changes at all and we fail? Don't you think that it will hurt him more to find out later, when so much time that you have now is lost? What then?"

"Then I'll handle it," Kamui let go of the knob behind him, pushing the door inward and reaching for the apron hanging behind it, slipping it over his head and shoulders before looking at him again, "If it happens, if something goes wrong then I'll accept full responsibility for it."

"Like always," he added bitterly, tying the strings of the garment around behind him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

He started to move past but a hand clamped down on his shoulder, Imonoyama-sama's expression more subdued, worried and apologetic. "Shirou-kun, you don't have to be alone in this. Not in this or the other. You know that."

Kamui gave him a weary smile, shrugging the hand off his shoulder, "I am alone, Imonoyama-sama. No matter what you or anyone else does, in the end … I've always been alone."

"And Sumeragi-san?"

A brief flash of pain flickered over Kamui's features before disappearing again, face drawn, "Will do what he's always done -- what he has to. But I won't put this on him. Not this or the other. It -- it isn't fair. And maybe that doesn't mean anything at all to anyone except me but the decision is mine." His smile became rueful. "The decision is mine. I think I finally understand what that means now. So close to the end. I think I understand everything better and then I realize that I don't understand anything at all. And maybe now, I never will."

He glanced at the Imonoyama then away again before he had to see the pity in his face, the sympathy that cut too deeply and the knowledge that was even worse, whatever hope he had left threatening to desert entirely. Straightening his apron, he took a breath and started walking towards the front again when the Chairman spoke again, his voice deep, as if from a tunnel, a question he was slowly starting to get used to, no matter how much he loathed hearing it.

"Shirou-kun, how are you feeling today?"

Kamui paused, inclining his head though not turning around as he considered the question. "I feel like I'm dying, Imonoyama-sama. Just like the day before and the day before that. Thank you for asking."

***End